Dear Divorce - 4 steps to healing

These days I’m filled with so much gratitude because I am here, there were many days when life was a blur. So to have a clear vision, is something I don’t take for granted.

I remember thinking he was as good as it would get.

Although I was torn down by his words and often felt invisible, I still felt as if this may be my happily ever after.

I will be honest and say apart of me was afraid to leave, I wasn’t sure if I could rebuild financially, find love again and still keep my dreams alive.

I mean I’m a black woman, and often times I’d hear so much negativity when it came to black women being single, finding love and men. I felt like I no longer had those worries but I was so unhappy.

So I thought this was my only shot, it wasn’t perfect and wasn’t the marriage for me, but it was a risk I was willing to take.

side note: watching waiting to exhale at 31 hits a lot different, carry on.

What I didn’t know was all that marriage required, more than anything I learned marriage requires you to constantly shed who you are, and you have to learn to be okay with that or it won’t work. The only way I can put it is spending years painting a canvas for your life, and you get married. Not all that’s on your canvas will fit inside of the marriage, and maybe there’s no room on your canvas, so you have to pick-up a blank canvas and start over.

Do you know how frustrating that can be?

So here I was ready to paint a new canvas, just to be met with a lot of resistance.

I left in March 2018.

I’ll never forget being more concerned about his wellbeing and feelings than my own, I knew I needed to focus on myself or I’d completely lose myself and potentially my mind.

I had no clue how painful divorce would be, at one point I literally cried out “when do I start to feel better?’ Truth was I couldn’t escape the process, pain and anger was apart of the process.

Although it took a couple of years, the days got brighter and I had less cloudy days. I learned 4 steps on the road of healing, and I’d like to share them with you.

4 Steps To Recovering From Heartbreak:

1.       Put one foot in front of the other, everyday! Showing up is half the battle, so sometimes it’s best to know I may not have anything left, but I will show up for myself today. & that is enough.

2.       Give yourself grace, whatever and however that may look, understand that you’re allowed to feel good and also have some bad days.

3.       Pour into yourself, girl you cannot get through any type of heartbreak alone, so fill yourself with positivity and allow your support group to love on you.

4.       Take your time, there’s no rule that says you have to get over someone in 24 hrs, know that you’ll have moments where you don’t think of them, but on the days you do, know that it’s normal and stay focused.

Heartbreak sucks! I don’t like it but I know it’s possible to level up and find purpose in your pain.